Learn And Response for critical Investigation
Page 1
- Can we phrase this better, perhaps in terms of power?
- Very clumsy, This needs to be clearly set out what your essay is going to investigate.
- The topic sentence needs work, it should always relate to the question.
- Is this worthy of further discussion? Is this the only criteria for success in grime financial?
- Another topic sentence that doesn't make sense.
- The change within their budgets for their music videos.
- As they are now conducting large budget music videos.
Page 3
- WWW - You have used many good examples.
- EBI - Try to use more on their representation.
Page 4
- Social.
- Audience Reference.
- Level 3.
Page 5
WWW
- Used good examples of critical debates.
- Clear understanding (Varied).
- good examples of topic.
- Need to expand on the debates and explain.
- Add more debates and media language.
Footnotes
WWW
- Showed a good amount of research
EBI
- Need more footnotes
- Correct errors in the footnotes
- Write good footnotes properly
Bibliography
Format
Format
- Shouldn't be underlined
- Need more books and journals
- Arrange at websites.
- Need more journals and books.
- Take everything off underlined.
Feedback from Mr Hasely
Level 2
2) Write what level/grade you are aiming for in your second draft.
In the first critical investigation I got a grade Level 2. Therefore for my second draft i am aiming to move up to a grade to level 3.
3) Write a numbered list of five things you will do or change for your second draft that will help you get there. Be specific and explain in detail.
- Gain more quotes to use in my critical investigation.
- Use more quotes from books.
- expand my bibliography.
- Correct my footnotes.
- Expand in detail on my debates.
4) Write a minimum three-point 'wish list' for the BFI Library trip - what do you specifically want to take away from the BFI in terms of issues, theories or particular sections of your essay?
- British urban culture
- Hip Hop culture
- X factor Grime relation
- British class
